


All In

by ShaneVansen



Category: Haven - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Drama, Episode Tag, F/M, Introspection, post-ep
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-21
Updated: 2012-10-21
Packaged: 2017-11-16 17:34:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/542057
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShaneVansen/pseuds/ShaneVansen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nathan's not one to do things by halves. He's determined to find a way to save Audrey and when he commits to something, he's all in. (<i>Double Jeopardy</i> post-ep)</p>
            </blockquote>





	All In

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, so, the muse has been inspired to write yet another post-ep. With kissing. This is apparently her solution to all the angst this season. (I've decided not to argue.)
> 
> Thanks once more to december21st for a super quick beta. Remaining errors are entirely mine.

He fucking hates this.

Nathan's always been a straightforward kind of guy. For most of his life he kept his head down, stayed out of the spotlight, spoke when he needed to and kept his mouth shut the rest of the time. Before a certain FBI agent came along and drove her car off a cliff on his watch, he was happy enough to be one of the masses who knew about the Troubles but pretended they didn't exist. Off the job, he left people alone, the world left him alone, and the status quo wasn't exactly spectacular but it was good enough.

Then Audrey Parker crashed into his life and turned everything upside down without so much as a sorry-about-the-mess. She asks questions and demands answers all while challenging him to keep up, and Nathan's found that he likes it. There are no easy outs where Audrey is involved, and after all this time he knows that her determination to find the hard truths has forced him to be a better person. He's ready now to step up and choose sides in a way he knows he wouldn't have been, if not for her.

Of course then he had to go and fall in love with his partner, but that's the way his life goes. Really, he should've seen that one coming.

Even now, with the mess their relationship has become, he doesn't regret it. It's not ideal by any means but most of the time the good outweighs the bad, and for him, that's enough. They debate theories and solve cases and shoot the breeze in the quiet moments in between, and these are the things he looks forward to most each day. It's a little harder now that she's put the brakes on the something more they've been building to, but he's not one to sit around and mope or lament what might have been. They have an all-too-literal deadline approaching a hell of a lot faster than he'd like, and Nathan's determined to do something about it.

Even if he hates every fucking second of it, even if it's costing him parts of himself he never would have even considered compromising before he got to know Audrey and learned what it means to have priorities and principles, he's going to do everything he can to save her.

If he can just save her, it will be worth it. Worth everything.

So he hides things from her (even though she'll learn of Duncan Fromsley's escape eventually) and cheats on her (even though it was only a kiss and Audrey's never been his, not really) and flat-out lies to her (it has _everything_ to do with her, she must know that by now) because however much it eats away at him, he'll endure all of it and more if it means he can stop the inevitable.

Nathan's made his choices, and they're ones he can live with. Even so, some days are harder than others.

One night, a few days after he kissed Jordan, the guilt's a little stronger than usual. Maybe it's that they've had a couple of days without a case to distract him, maybe it's because he and Audrey are having drinks together at the _Gull_ for the first time since before she shot the Rev. Whatever it is, he catches her just outside the restaurant's door as they're about to part ways. At first he tries to find the words, but he isn't even sure what he wants to say. After a few moments he gives up and cups her face in his hands, holding her still as he leans down to kiss her.

He means for it to be brief, just a few seconds to tell her everything he's never been able to find the words to say without somehow screwing it up, but just as he pulls back Audrey wraps one hand around the back of his neck to hold him to her even as she rises up on her feet. Then it's pressure, and lips and tongues and hands, and her fingers sliding through his hair, his moving down her neck and across her collarbone. His other hand ends up low on her back, pressing her even closer, and she makes a sound in the back of her throat that shuts down his brain entirely.

Audrey pulls away first, and Nathan's not the least bit embarrassed about how he has to catch his breath after that kiss because she too is gulping for air like she's broken the surface after too long under water. Her eyes are huge and dark as she stares up at him. "Nathan—"

"I shouldn't have done that." He interrupts with what can be called a half-truth at best; he's sorry for the circumstances, certainly, but not for kissing her. It's an apology, he thinks, or hope, or a promise; whatever it was, he needed to do it, and thinks that maybe she did too.

For a long moment they watch each other, and Nathan's afraid that he's pushed her too far, done further damage to a relationship that's already rocky these days. She surprises him, though, and lets it drop. "Good night," is all she says, and he watches her go, something in his chest loosening when she turns to look back at him from the top of the stairs before she disappears from his sight.

Nathan hates a lot of what he has to do these days. If it saves Audrey, though? If it gives her even a chance of escaping her fate? He doesn't even consider walking away.

He can't.

_\--end--_


End file.
